September 2009
46 posts
Protect and Serve
blownspeakers:
Cyclists who ride on the sidewalk aren’t real people.
skinnyghost:
I suppose I wasn’t clear enough. It is for people. not for bikes.
jwike:
I believe what you mean is “it is for pedestrians”. Cyclists are people too. I am ok with someone biking on the sidewalk between their building and the nearest curbcut. In other situations; get off the sidewalk, Adam doesn’t think you...
Baby got rap back (karaoke)
Natalie: I still enjoyed beating you that time
Matthew: you beat me on the rap one?
Natalie: yes
Natalie: on baby got back
Natalie: maybe having a bum helps
Matthew: ah
Matthew: yeah, that makes sense
Matthew: i used to have back
Matthew: but it's gone now
Natalie: where did it go?
Matthew: i don't know
Matthew: one day i turned around and i coulddn't see anything
“I’m from Montreal and Jewish… I don’t pay full price for...”
– File under “awkward things I’ve said in meetings”
Re: today's meetings
Travis: this might be the only day where i am happier being me than you
wait
Matthew: HAHA
Travis: that sounded wrong
you know what i mean
Matthew: that's so, so sad
Travis: sigh...
August 2009
50 posts
Did I teach her to roar? Yeah, I taught her to...
Me: Hello?
Josh: Hi, hold on. [background: Ryleigh... it's Uncle Matthew on the phone]
Ryleigh: RAAAWWWRRRR!!!
Josh: Ryleigh wanted to tell you something. What are you, Ryleigh?
Ryleigh: RAAAAWWWRRRRR! I'm a lion! RAWWWRRRR!
Josh: She's crawling around the kitchen roaring...
Ryleigh: RAAAAWWWWRRRR!!!
Me: *melts*
“He smells like Rogaine and failure.”
– Generation A shows a lot a promise.
“The enigmatic troubadour said on his satellite radio program that he is...”
– On GPS, Bob Dylan Might Guide Lost Drivers Home
Why I love my job #94867203
Editor Next Door (END): We just hired our new work study students
Editor: Oh great! What are they like?
END: Really good; I think they're going to work out
Me: Are they attractive?
END: ...what?
Editor: Matthew needs attractive people for lunch dates
END: How about you take them both out?
"I'm sorry... you've done great work, but Matthew doesn't find you attractive so we have to let you go"
Outwitted by an octogenarian
Mary: I'd guess you're 60... 65?
Lady: 38
Mary: ... you're 38?!
Lady: Turn around
Mary: (turns around, looks confused) You were born in 1938?
Lady: No no, I'm 38. But turn around
Mary: (gives me questioning look)
Me: (turns around) I have NO idea...
Lady: (grinning)
Mary: Oh wait... 83!!!
Me: 83!!! Of course!
Lady: That's right
A weird Bon Jovi moment
Yesterday, I was in Stanley Park at my friends’ all-day potluck picnic/wedding anniversary. A few of us were playing tunes and it hit spectator question period: “can you play this song? Do you remember that song?”
As a tribute to my undying love for all things Bon Jovi joke, I reached into my high school song bank and started playing the intro to “Wanted Dead or...
“You just stack another note on top of the triad”
– Dan
*poof* Suddenly, I understand jazz.
“He said the pair wrestled as he tried to have sex with [Dora] and she resisted....”
– ‘Lord of the Flies’ author tried to rape a girl
“It’s not necessarily advantageous to become an adult. I don’t want...”
– Annie Gibson (St. Vincent) via
Ford Pier - Confession is Good for a Laugh
Like...
“9-3. The magazine does not care to read any more stories written from the point...”
– Taddle Creek has some pretty great submission guidelines.
Question
What physical objects come to mind when you think of Canada (no maple leaves, please)?
Silverchair - Surfin’ Bird
re: Family Guy...
Fox: Two Mexican Midget Wrestlers Killed by Fake... →
blownspeakers:
Yup.
This is why we need Fox News.
Potential awkwardness++;
About ten minutes ago, I gave my landlord permission to enter my apartment while I’m not there to fix the bathroom plumbing.
About two minutes ago, I remembered that my copy of The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices is currently on the top of my book pile.
“He says a few words … particularly Barney (f-ing barney)”
– My friend’s son is learning to talk. Also, it’s the late 90s.
“You don’t need a Social Security number to get your identity stolen.
...”
– Kleenex® Brand Trademark
Kleenex is running banner ads to convince people to stop using their brand name as a generic name for tissue. So everyone should just stop giving them free advertising and providing a sense of authenticity that’s impossible through traditional means.
Believe it or not, she's actually met me...
Banker: I assume you have an accountant
Me: ... why?
Matthew: do you know the band Marianas Trench?
you look EXACTLY like the singer
and have the same vocal inflections
Jordan: ewwwww
: ( :( :(